The last month has been without a doubt one of the hardest of my life. Working 70+ hour weeks has been a heavy toll on my body and there was a time when I didn't know if I was going to be able to keep it up. One of the saddest things that I have experience is how I do not fit in here. At Buca, I am the only college graduate out of all the chefs but the other chefs treat me as one of them. With respect. The funny thing is that they are not aware of the fact that I have a degree. The servers are the ones who make me wonder if there is any sense of decency in the real world. They treat me horrible and as a lower person. I think it's funny because they boast how hard it is to attend a JC and work 20 hours a week. and just the fact that they attend a JC makes them feel superior. Haha. It took one week for most to remember my name and the fact that I even speak English! I know that this most likely makes me seem like a bitter person but the real thing is that I am sad. I've seen this situation occur over and over again in different places.
Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do with my life. Katie and I have plans but sometimes when I clock in to work at the factory I get depress. This might seems weird but I think if people realize the symbolism behind it then it might be better understood. Growing up, my father worked two jobs to make sure that we could survive. I swore at a younger age that I would do my best to avoid that fate. And here I am...clocking in at a factory that is hell. What gets me more sad is the fact that the people who work here have been doing this for years. I look around me and tell myself that I am only doing this for a short time and that made me feel a little better. Then I felt worse when I realized that I would not be here in another year. But they would. It's one of the saddest things I have ever witness in my entire life! They work so hard and I am pretty sure that a lot of them are not legal immigrants which makes me feel even worse. The company takes advantage of the workers. If someone get hurt or injured, they fire him before he can sue or claim workers comp. The joy I see in their faces when they go cash their checks at the cash van outside on payday is priceless. Many of these people have two jobs and most of the money goes towards their families either here or Mexico. I am now one of them. I just try to remind myself that I am working towards something. Something better.
A lot of people dont realize how sad life is. how horrible life is. They port the most trivial things when people are truly hurting. There are people, especially at Loma, who go out on retreats or on outreaches to help people. I think this is all great and what not but I dont think they will ever truly know what it means to be them until they live that life. One can easily go out and be placed in a horrible situation but in the back of their minds they must know that they can get out anytime they want. If things get to harsh or hard...an out is there. A homeless person or poor person cannot get out just by asking to get out. There are times when i get upset when people in church assume that just telling a poor person that God loves them is enough. They do not realize that these people have never truly seen or felt God. That love that makes us feel all nice and wonderful inside. They have know nothing but pain and suffering their whole lives. Then some person who's never had to work a back breaking job or known any real despair or suffering come and tell them that they should cheer up because God loves them. Why cant people put themselves in their shoes and realize how stupid that sounds.
There are times when I just wish I had a billion dollars so that I can just help everyone that truly needs help. Sometimes I think that people are so concerned with their own salvation that they forget about the suffering of other people here on earth. Of course suffering on earth doesnt matter im told as we will be rewarded in heaven. Yeah, you try telling people in Africa or other nations who are dying that. See what they say.
I will agree that there are wonderful people out there and not helping others does not make them horrible people. I just people could understand me more and how I see the world. I love God and I believe in the Gospel but I see the world and weep. It makes me feel so sad and depress. I think that's one of the reason I was soo sad at Hume Lake and at Point Loma. I dont think people realized that there was a world outside themselves. Homework, Glee, Gossip Girl, or other trivial things aren't the most important things in the world.
